Saturday, March 19, 2011

So Fragile - 7 Months

Yesterday was 7 months since I held my baby girl. I was also reminded of how fragile life is. I recently found out that I am expecting another child and am overjoyed but at the same time terrified at how quickly it can still end. Sadly I was reminded of this horrifying fact when another dear BLM had a miscarriage on Brinley's 7 month angelversary. Life is so not fair sometimes. This BLM had lost her first baby in her 3rd trimester and had been trying for months to get pregnant again. She found out only a week or so before I did that she was expecting again. I was excited when I found out that we would be going through our pregnancies together and were due around the same time. She even got to hear the heartbeat of her Little Bee just earlier in the week then yesterday it was all ripped away from her again.

I'm just heartbroken for this women and hate that there is nothing I can do to take away the pain of lossing another child. I am scared for myself because I am not in the clear in my own pregnancy. Honestly I don't think I will feel better until I can hold my baby in my arms. It seems like I have a long way to go.

I don't intend on making it a habit of writing about my new pregnancy on this blog but yesterday the two were connected as I'm sure they will be from time to time. I am reminded of how fragile life is and how quickly it can be gone. I have been so busy concentrating on school and work I haven't given myself time to think about Brinley so much. I miss her and think of her from time to time. I'm sure I'm not done crying for her but I haven't let myself go there lately and I feel like a bad mother for pushing her to the side. I need to give myself time to figure out where I stand in this new world of baby loss. It is so hard to believe another month has gone by without my daughter.

Earlier yesterday I was standing in the backyard and there was a bee flying around near me. It is spring and the bees are back but it was nice to think that it maybe Brinley coming to say hello on her 7 month angelversary. 

Praying for all the babyloss community. It is a hard road to walk down.

Forever Loved and Missed ~ Brinley Nicole Moore ~