Monday, October 7, 2013

Walk to Remember Oct 13, 2013

Three years later and I couldn't have guessed that the loss of my little girl would lead to me being interviewed for the news.

Today I'm excited to share with you the news article and video from the interview. The local hospital holds the Walk to Remember at their birthing center every year to honor those children who are gone too soon. I have attended every one since losing Brinley. The first one not even two months after she was gone. It has definitely been a growing experience for me. Last year I got to share my story and read a poem. I also shared my Face 2 Face MB group I started locally through

I will be doing the same thing this year although I still need a poem. So give them to me. What are your favorite poems, sayings, or stories?


Friday, September 27, 2013

So...its been a while, sorry.

Life has not stopped for me. I have had a lot going on this year between school, work, and home. I have had some depression creep in on me and seeked help for it. I'm feeling better these days and have had blogging on my mind a lot lately. So today seemed to be the right day to jump back in. Last month was Brinley's 3rd angelversary. I raised money for Molly Bears for her birthday. I ended up raising just over $300 through Jamberry Nails sales and from personal donations on Rally. If you would like to make a donation you can click on the Rally link to donate. :-) I would be forever grateful.

I'm keeping this post short since I have school work I need to work on so I'm going to leave you with this crazy dream I had last night.

I had an old friend from high school that I ran into ask if she could get a tattoo of my dead baby. She wanted her to look all bruised up in the tattoo and have Hang Gang written under it. At first I thought she wanted to get the tattoo to remember Brinley but then she explained it was to represent this gang she had joined! I told her HELL no she couldn't use my baby's picture for that. Then she pulled out this picture and long post I had written saying that anyone could use her picture for tattoos after she was first stillborn. 

I mean, WTF was that about? I don't often dream about Brinley. Actually I don't think I've ever had a dream about her living. I'm really sad about that.


Thursday, January 10, 2013

Memories and grief

I will say during my whole pregnancy I kept saying that I wasn't ready to be a mother. I wasn't ready for a baby... I was 27 and until the week before she was born I didn't feel ready. As soon as I said that I felt I was ready she died... I was 37 weeks pregnant when I found out she no longer had a heartbeat... "There is no heartbeat" :***( Those are the most awful words I have ever heard. I was heartbroken to say the least but even in those few days after losing her I'm sure there were times where I laughed. I surrounded myself with people to keep my mind from going to those dark places and breaking down. I knew there would be time for that when everyone went back to living their lives and I was still left without my daughter...

Grief is different for everyone. I don't feel like one loss is better or worse than another. A miscarriage can be devastating for someone who really wants a baby or has trouble getting pregnant. How is that any different than a baby dying at 20 weeks, 35 weeks, or a few days old? I don't think it is. It is a bad situation for that person in that time. Now depending on what you have going on in your life a miscarriage might not be all that bad for you. I have a "friend" that said she was happy she had 3 miscarriages!!! I was kind of in shock when I heard that come out of her mouth. She had already had 2 children and just didn't know how she could have more. For her a miscarriage was no big thing, just another kid she didn't have to feed.

After losing Brinley I feel like I really appreciate Ever more than I might have. I realize how precious and fragile life is everyday because of Brinley. I also learned how strong of a person I am because of Brinley. She is never far from my thoughts. As a baby loss mother I appreciate it when others cry over her loss. I know she touched someone in life that never got to meet her. She will never be around to leave memories with the people she meets and every year she will be remembered by less and less others. I imagine eventually it will just be me.