I've had a sadness since Christmas that I can't seem to shake. I miss Brinley so much. I miss everything I didn't get to see or do with her. I miss her little hugs and smiles. Having Ever has really brought these feelings to the forefront for me. I am watching her grow and change everyday and can't help but think about Brinley and what I didn't get to see her doing. Some days she seems like a distant memory, like she wasn't real. Could I really be the mother of a baby in heaven? It is surreal.
At what point are you considered depressed? I feel like everyday I will feel better the next day but I don't . Sure I go to work, do my school work, and take care of my daughter with a smile but I am sad.
Ever is two months old going on three and every time she does something new I want to cry and sometimes I do because I never got to see Brinley do that. I just want to be happy again. I want to have both my babies here on earth to hug and hold. To watch them grow up together.
As a busy mother to an infant I don't have time to sit down and write much and I think I really need to. I have lost my outlet and that might be why I have been so sad. I have so many emotions in me that I need to get out. I am sleep deprived which I'm sure doesn't help either.
I don't like being sad and always try to find something to be happy about but it is so hard these days to keep a positive attitude. Right now I want to be cynical and angry. I don't want to be nice and polite with people. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide until next year already.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I haven't heard of this before but another blogger posted that she entered and after checking it out I sent in my entry as well. Looking forward to having some great blogs to read.
I encourage you to submit one of your favorite blog posts from last year too. The entry form closes tonight so hurry quick and get your entry in.
This is the post I submitted.