Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Brinley's Month

Well it is here, August. The last month I had with my little girl growing and moving inside me. The month I gave birth to my born still daughter. This past Monday was August 1st, 2011 and I awoke in a very depressed mood. Most days I feel great and have a great attitude but then some days, days like this past Monday, I wake up and want to cry all day. I think my husband could tell it was one of those days for me. He gave me extra hugs and told me not to stress too much. Ha!

This day I had to take a test for my Biology class first thing in the morning so I was stressed about that. I also had my final exams this week. If I haven't said before I was taking two classes over the summer, Biology and Astronomy. On my drive into work someone decided they had to make a left turn right in front of me so they came from two lanes over from my right to get in front of me and make an immediate left turn. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting them! Now in the mood I was already in and not being quite awake enough to deal with this I called my husband to vent. I'm on the verge of tears on my way into work and talking to him always makes me feel better. He gave me some speech on life is a roller-coaster or something, it made me laugh a little.

As my day went on it was pretty uneventful. I took my test and made a 75 on it, I had a really hard time comprehending the material apparently. I was a little busy at work so it made the day go by faster. As I stepped outside to make a phone call to my husband in the afternoon there was a dragonfly on the ground next to me. It let me get really close to it to get a good picture.

Isn't he beautiful? This made me feel a little better like my daughter was telling me to cheer up. Well about 4 pm I was sitting at my desk and thought " I haven't noticed Little Bird moving other than first thing this morning. " So I sat there for a minute trying to wake her up and get her moving but I didn't feel any response so I decided to leave a little early and head over to the doctor's office so they could check for her heartbeat.

While putting my things in the back of my car I found a dime! It was right inside the back of my Trailblazer. This was the 3rd time I had been in the back of the car today and I had not seen this dime the first two times so I have no idea where it came from! Another wink from Brinley!

Getting winks from her always makes me smile but the short drive and wait at the doctor's office was still hard. I arrived there and told them, as I started to cry again, that I was having a bad day and wanted to hear my baby's heartbeat so they got me a nurse. While I was sitting in the waiting room trying to keep my thoughts under control I felt a little movement from Little Bird so I felt somewhat better. Once the nurse took me back and let me listen to her heartbeat I felt ten times better. She said her heartbeat was strong and she wasn't stressed it was just me that was stressed. The nurse was sweet and gave me a hug and told me to take all the time I needed. I cried for a little bit and composed myself before leaving.

I had to go drop off my niece's guitar so I stopped by my sister's work to give it to her since she was working. When I went to get the guitar out of the back of the car I saw another dime on the ground!

Now I haven't found a dime in forever but have had several people tell me they have found them and thought of me and Brinley. My mom found two dimes one day while she was out and about. My dad found a dime just after he was thinking of me while he was riding his motorcycle. The day he called to tell me about it I missed his call but when I called him back he was bending over to pick up another dime at that exact moment I called!

I had another BLM post on my FB wall about finding them.

"Heather, I keep forgetting to tell you but I've been finding dimes EVERYWHERE! a couple at home and at work. one fell out of no where!"
And just yesterday I was tagged in a picture of another dime a friend found just after she was thinking about doing my pregnancy photos for Little Bird. She does photography professionally and has offered to take my pregnancy photos this time around. She is more of an acquaintance than a friend. We bought our chocolate lab from her and we have remained friends on FB. She is not a BLM and has always been very kind and nice. We haven't spent much time getting to know each other outside of FB so this makes it even more special to know she was thinking of us and our sweet girl.
Here is the picture and what she said.

"Heather, I was grocery shopping this afternoon with my daughter and we got out of the car and this was right next to my door. I had been thinking about doing your maternity photos not five minutes earlier and thinking how I was looking forward to it. I remember reading your post yesterday and wanting to tell you how much I admire you for your courage, strength, and willingness to share your feelings and sorrow through your blogs and facebook. I wanted to say something yesterday, but haven't had a chance to sit down to do so... I guess someone knew I was thinking of you and that I needed to pass along. :-) I hope this brightens your day and I look forward to doing your pictures for you."

These aren't the only people who have told me about dimes, I have had cousins and aunts and other friends tell me about finding them all year long. I can't express how much love I have been shown over the past year. It warms my heart to know that my baby girl hasn't been forgotten and that she has touched so many through her short life here on earth. As for the rest of my day it was pretty uneventful. I went home and got some rest which I really needed.

I know this post was really long but I had a lot to say and now that my finals are over I plan to be more active again with my blogging. Counting the days to her birthday....15 more to go!