Tuesday, August 28, 2012

2 years out

Brinley's birthday has just passed. She would have been 2 had she been born alive. It is unreal to think I have a dead baby. It feels foreign to me. I can't fathom it but it happened. It happened to me.

Since her death I have reached out and met so many wonderful women. I have had another baby, her younger sister. I have spoke to students in the nursing field about my experience to help educate them. I have finished my bachelor degree. I had her name inscribed on the memorial stone at the hospital. I have started a support group for other babyloss moms in my area. I donated a crocheted blanket from my grandmother in memory of Brinley to the hospital and I have finally gotten her memorial tattoo.

That was what I planned to do for her 2 year angelversary but I got sick so it got postponed another week. So this past weekend I went and got her name and a dragonfly tattooed on my wrist. I also dropped off the blanket my grandmother, Brinley's great-grandmother, crocheted. It is her original pattern she had named after Brinley. Pictured is the original blanket she won a first place ribbon on.
The group has had a slow beginning but I hope it will grow into something beautiful for the local women in my area. I wish I had more time to dedicate to it but I have other engagements like work, my family, and continuing my education so I do what I can. Eventually it will grow. All that matters is I've started it in Brinley's name.

Life goes on as usual. I remember her and still think of her often but the initial pain and hurt is gone. Now I strive to keep her memory alive.

It is hard though. This year there was a significant drop in the out-pore of love on her birthday and that is ok. It is easy to forget someone who was here for such a short time. She will be forever burned into my heart and soul as well as a few others. That is all that matters.