Tuesday, May 31, 2011

My worries

One of the last trips we took before I had Brinley was to Santee on the lake. It was the first weekend of August and it was hot. I was 8 months pregnant at the time so the trip wasn't very far from where we live. We have been several times before and it is a nice getaway for cheap. We figured it would be our last trip before having the baby in our lives.

The place we stay at has little camper trailers you can rent for the weekend so that is what we rented. It had a couch that when you sat on it you were on the floor. Needless to say it was difficult for me to get up from it at 8 months pregnant. It was also hot, very hot. We were right on the side of the lake but the water is dark and the ground is muddy underneath so I don't like to get in it. I spent a lot of time hanging out in the trailer by myself since Mark had a fishing buddy come with and Alec had a friend come with so they were out on the water a lot.

There was one day I sat on a lounge chair by the lake side and there must have been a million dragonflies flying around. It was pretty amazing. I have never seen that many dragonflies at once and that is one of the reasons dragonflies remind me of Brinley.

My husband has been talking about going back to Santee again over the summer and I'm a little weary to go. Mostly because the last time we went I was pregnant with Brinley and I know that is what will be on my mind the majority of the time I'm there. The other reason is because I'm currently pregnant again and worry that I may have got some kind of infection last time that led to Brinley's death. It is an irrational fear since there was no mention of an infection but since I don't really know what happened to her it is one of the things I have often wondered about.

I did mention this to Mark yesterday...

So today as I was walking into work I found another dime in the parking lot. I felt like this was Brinley saying everything is alright.