Thursday, December 16, 2010


So if you sigh a lot does that mean you are depressed? I think I've sighed like 3 times in the past 5 minutes.

There is a movie coming out tomorrow called Rabbit Hole starring Nicole Kidman. It is a story of a couple coping with the death of their young son who was 4-years-old when he died. It isn't quite the same as losing a baby before they were born but I'm sure a lot of the emotions and grief that I have been going through will be portrayed. That is the funny thing about grief it is so similar for everyone yet so different.

I'm actually looking forward to seeing this movie and hoping that it helps shed some light and the pain associated with the loss of a child. I hope that people don't avoid the movie for fear of how it will affect them.

I decided to do some research on movies or documentaries that dealt with the loss of a baby and haven't been very successful in finding any available to watch online. I found several titles like the one listed below.

I found several more titles but that was all. I couldn't find anywhere to purchase them if I did want to watch them. Some titles were "Death of a Dream", "When our Baby Died", "There was a Child", and "Losing Leila". I am actually not surprised that this topic isn't more readily available in the movie industry. It really is time that someone makes a movie about the loss of a baby not just a child but a baby that the parents never got to know outside the womb.

On a different note I was thinking about winks the other day. If you don't know winks are little tokens or items that remind us of our babies or loved ones that are no longer with us. For example the dimes I said Brinley was sending me or bees and dragonflies that remind me of her. It's all BS really. I like to think this cause it makes me feel better but it is all BS. She isn't really sending me dimes, bees, or dragonflies. She is dead and cremated. She is ash in a little blue box in a little blue bag sitting on top of my desk in our bedroom. I have come to hate that bag. That bag that holds my dead baby. My dead baby that is nothing but ash and memories now.

How can I miss someone I never got to know? I never got to see her smile. I never got to hear her coo and babble. I never got to dress her, wash her, change a diaper, brush her hair, or feel her hug. I never got to look in her eyes or see her yawn. I never got to feel her hold my finger.

Fuck you pain, I HATE you!