Monday, October 18, 2010

2 months today

Today Brinley would be 2 months old. I have my second appointment with the therapist today so I can tell her all about my weekend. We went to Columbia for the State Fair this past weekend. It was fun to go walk around the fair with my husband. We took my step-daughter and one of her friends with us and let them go off on their own around the fair this year. I was looking forward to eating all kinds of fair food but when the time came to eat I just wasn't that hungry. I have noticed the past few days that my appetite hasn't been what it should be. I feel sick to my stomach.

As for the fair itself, the day we went they were having a beauty pageant for little baby girls up to teens. It hurt to see all those cute little babies dressed up. I was supposed to have my Brinley with us at the fair this year. So in the afternoon when we decided to go play some games I wanted to win a toy and give it to a little girl. The first game we played after a couple tries I won a big pink dog. We then walked around the other games until I found a little girl probably about 1 year or so. I walked up to the mother and proceeded to tell her the I had my daughter stillborn on Aug 18th and wanted to give her little girl the dog. The mother looked kind of scared by me but I don't care. It made me feel better. I hope that little girls loves that dog for a long time.

After that we found another game booth and played the same kind of game. This time Mark won and let me pick out the prize. I got a bright lime green bear. He said that was a present from the daddy to the mommy. <3 He is so great!

Earlier in the day we stopped to watch a show with dogs that they had rescued from an animal shelter. They taught these dogs how to jump and catch Frisbees. I really enjoyed watching the dogs jump around and do their tricks. I was caught off guard by the emotions I had while watching the show. I wanted to cry. Out of nowhere I had tears in my eyes and wanted to break down crying. I was happy and having fun watching the show then all of the sudden my eyes filled with tears. Maybe the therapist can help me understand what was going on.

As for staying with my MIL over the weekend. That went the way I thought it would. Not good. I try to give her a chance and see if I can like her but I really don't . What did it for me this weekend was her comment about my baby weight. It has only been two months since I had Brinley and she is making fat jokes! She had the nerve to ask me when the baby was due! Can you believe that?!? She was at the fricken hospital when I had the baby. EXCUSE ME FOR NOT LOSING THE WEIGHT FAST ENOUGH FOR YOU. I've had other things on my mind besides my weight. I am so mad. I wish I had the nerve to just tell the woman how I feel. What I do know is I won't be staying around her for a VERY long time. She stresses me out I just can't take it these days.